we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
