as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
