??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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