Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
