Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
