I feel like I'm in dance class right now
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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