Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
