can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize