Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
