In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
