the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he was CRYING into my vagina
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
