All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize