He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
