I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Randomize
