I skipped work to stalk him.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
