Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Vodka?
Forever.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
