eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
