forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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