I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
They have beer where we have blood.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
