upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize