i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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