You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
