I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
