I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
if only i could text you this smell
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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