if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
