Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
