at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize