this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
