proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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