my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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