I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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