You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
