A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
