I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Your cock deserves a montage
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
