Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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