i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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