whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize