she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Success! We fucked roommates!
You ruined the universe
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize