Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
