just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
