Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
