ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize