Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You took a bar mat shot.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
