Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
