Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
