yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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