Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
