the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
