remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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