No awkward lesbian experiences without me
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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