ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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