All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
