I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
