weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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