Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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