dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
