I think i peed on brittanys purse
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
