Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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