Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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