shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Drunk is not a location!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
