then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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