That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize