im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
