6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
