Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
