You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
