The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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