No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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