i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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