I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
tell me about the eggs
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
