Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
