i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
