hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
