There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
