Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
