i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
