My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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