everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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