I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
