I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
