this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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