My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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