hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
