i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have surprise drugs for everyone
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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