so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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