Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize