Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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