Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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