can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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