Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
