Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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