Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
