It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
