I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Randomize
