every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
