Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
