It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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