the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
