Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
