I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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