Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
