I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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