The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize