Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
