You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
