i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
