I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
